Confidence

Well

I heard a conversation about somebody being confident and i realised that i am probably the least confident person u will ever meet. I back away from challenges and shy away from insult. I don't really stand up for myself or more importantly those who i should stand up for as in my friends. Sorry. I don't go for things like try my absolute best in anything especially running and Badminton, mainly cos i don't like being the one under pressure and the one being watched and cheered on by other people. I hate it. I get scared and run away into the back of my mind and won't come out until Ive lost which is always what happens. I do it when speaking in public as well because i just close up and i freeze. I forget what I'm going to say and i muck up what I'm saying as well.

I get really embarrassed easily too. I don't know why but i just do. That's the worst feeling i've ever fealt. All eyes on you and you can't say anything. Being laughed at by others, or being rejected by others because of something which has happend in the past. Or something you do now which you don't want to shout out to the world because it's not 'cool' or 'normal'. I don't get over shit like that fast. Some people brush it off and carry on, i admire them but i'm not one of them.

Back on planet Earth......

Dani said that we r splitting up into groups like the emos and the chavs and i feel that i'm being pushed and pulled towards a group. Small group but within it is alot of good friends. I'm moving away from some other good friends like the George Cliftons of this world who don't like alot of the people i like but i am very good friends with. My parents have always told me i have a gift for making friends and i would like to think that i am not hated by anyone and nobody despises me enough to ignore me when i say hi to them. It's annoying sometimes when 2 of your friends don't get on or one despises the other as in one case. I try the best i can to make peace between them but one is just too stubborn to accept that he is wrong and stop. I make friends easily which is flippin useful as it showed in 'The Academy' where i was friends with everyone after two hours. Yay. Toni ure mental.

Friends r the best things since sliced bread
Yes that means u
Yeh u
U

Till we speak again......