Well
I heard a conversation about somebody being confident and i realised that i am probably the least confident person u will ever meet. I back away from challenges and shy away from insult. I don't really stand up for myself or more importantly those who i should stand up for as in my friends. Sorry. I don't go for things like try my absolute best in anything especially running and Badminton, mainly cos i don't like being the one under pressure and the one being watched and cheered on by other people. I hate it. I get scared and run away into the back of my mind and won't come out until Ive lost which is always what happens. I do it when speaking in public as well because i just close up and i freeze. I forget what I'm going to say and i muck up what I'm saying as well.
I get really embarrassed easily too. I don't know why but i just do. That's the worst feeling i've ever fealt. All eyes on you and you can't say anything. Being laughed at by others, or being rejected by others because of something which has happend in the past. Or something you do now which you don't want to shout out to the world because it's not 'cool' or 'normal'. I don't get over shit like that fast. Some people brush it off and carry on, i admire them but i'm not one of them.
Back on planet Earth......
Dani said that we r splitting up into groups like the emos and the chavs and i feel that i'm being pushed and pulled towards a group. Small group but within it is alot of good friends. I'm moving away from some other good friends like the George Cliftons of this world who don't like alot of the people i like but i am very good friends with. My parents have always told me i have a gift for making friends and i would like to think that i am not hated by anyone and nobody despises me enough to ignore me when i say hi to them. It's annoying sometimes when 2 of your friends don't get on or one despises the other as in one case. I try the best i can to make peace between them but one is just too stubborn to accept that he is wrong and stop. I make friends easily which is flippin useful as it showed in 'The Academy' where i was friends with everyone after two hours. Yay. Toni ure mental.
Friends r the best things since sliced bread
Yes that means u
Yeh u
U
Till we speak again......
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Good Weekend
Seems to me that the world is happy
I took a poll
Hannah: GREAT
Jazz: wkddd
Pooley: Of course he's happy
Ellen: She's good
Hutty: Defencive but good
Freddie: Yesterday good
Harris: Great cos he won a tournament
David: No but will he ever be
Me: BRILLIANT
Jeeze it has been an amazing weekend and it was mainly down to one conversation
But thankyou everybody for being so damn happy, cos that makes me happy
:D
I took a poll
Hannah: GREAT
Jazz: wkddd
Pooley: Of course he's happy
Ellen: She's good
Hutty: Defencive but good
Freddie: Yesterday good
Harris: Great cos he won a tournament
David: No but will he ever be
Me: BRILLIANT
Jeeze it has been an amazing weekend and it was mainly down to one conversation
But thankyou everybody for being so damn happy, cos that makes me happy
:D
Saturday, 24 January 2009
50 things i have done in my life
1: Won 21 Badminton medals in a year.
2: Been to Walt Disney World Florida
3: Walked up a stream whilst the normal people walked on the path
4: Fallen 3 foot down a mountain and stopped on a tiny outcropping which stopped me from falling around 2900 more feet.
5: Made somebody cry at my blog
6: Just received a book entitled 'Is it just me or is everything shit?'
7: Taken 8 months to read a 326 page book.
8: Dislocated my thumb.......Thrice
9: Lost in a final and been sooo pissed off i threw a shoe across the width of a huge badminton hall in the university of east anglia
10: Had a best friend that would take a bullet for me
11: Argued with that friend cos i wouldn't want her to
12: Been a Marine..................and hated it
13: Had such bad cramp i have cried
14: Played Badminton with and England player...........and won
15: Been at BMS for seven long years.
16: Stayed awake for over 52 hours and then fallen down asleep in a park and woken up 13 hours later only to fall asleep again
17: Laughed unbelievably hard with one person because of the word 'moo'
18: Recovered from having Asthma
19: Spent 4 days steaming round the islands of Scotland on the Omagh
20: Learnt Piano for 5 weeks....then quit
21: Was youngest boy in BMS at one point
22: Climbed the highest mountain in Wales
23: Received a warning for flicking a rubber across a class room when i was seven.
24: Tripped somebody i care about over into a locker
25: Accidently become a drug addict at the age of 7 on Dequacaine
26: Looked for a door on my television to go to the place on the screen
27: Lost somebody i would have been best friends with had she not left
28: Been surrounded by drunks at a party
29: Done the ChaCha slide with and Olympic silver medalist at this party
30: Stood in the rain just because i felt i should
31: Taught 4 people to dive
32: Won the School Steeplechase
33: Got a new big sister when i'm 14
34: Had a huge rant at my best friend for reasons only we know
35: Dug out our pond cos my parents didn't want to
36: Spent god knows how long on a bus to look at some graves and french fields. I'm not being disrespectful there. I respect the people who died so i don't have to speak German.
37: Told David to move an unimaginable amount of times
38: Been told to run it in rugby after ive kicked the ball
39: Managed a Badminton team to victory with the help of an amazing friend
40: Been told i'm on steroids after i blitzed passed a rugby team on the wing
41: Got so annoyed with a meccano set that i threw it across the room.
42: Mastered the art of having silent convos with my best mate
43: Shot a few Magpies
44: Walked into a lamp post in the middle of town
45: Jumped into a Scottish Loch................and regretted it. Damn cold
46: Stopped my best mate and my Dad having a big argument
47: Loved every second of Class Civ
48: Become Friends with some pretty incredible people since last summer
49: Been called cool when thats probably one of the only things i think i'm not
50: Been incredibly happy over the past like 4 hours whilst thinking of the 49 other things in this flippin blog. Helped of course by two of the most important people in my life.
Thankyou
2: Been to Walt Disney World Florida
3: Walked up a stream whilst the normal people walked on the path
4: Fallen 3 foot down a mountain and stopped on a tiny outcropping which stopped me from falling around 2900 more feet.
5: Made somebody cry at my blog
6: Just received a book entitled 'Is it just me or is everything shit?'
7: Taken 8 months to read a 326 page book.
8: Dislocated my thumb.......Thrice
9: Lost in a final and been sooo pissed off i threw a shoe across the width of a huge badminton hall in the university of east anglia
10: Had a best friend that would take a bullet for me
11: Argued with that friend cos i wouldn't want her to
12: Been a Marine..................and hated it
13: Had such bad cramp i have cried
14: Played Badminton with and England player...........and won
15: Been at BMS for seven long years.
16: Stayed awake for over 52 hours and then fallen down asleep in a park and woken up 13 hours later only to fall asleep again
17: Laughed unbelievably hard with one person because of the word 'moo'
18: Recovered from having Asthma
19: Spent 4 days steaming round the islands of Scotland on the Omagh
20: Learnt Piano for 5 weeks....then quit
21: Was youngest boy in BMS at one point
22: Climbed the highest mountain in Wales
23: Received a warning for flicking a rubber across a class room when i was seven.
24: Tripped somebody i care about over into a locker
25: Accidently become a drug addict at the age of 7 on Dequacaine
26: Looked for a door on my television to go to the place on the screen
27: Lost somebody i would have been best friends with had she not left
28: Been surrounded by drunks at a party
29: Done the ChaCha slide with and Olympic silver medalist at this party
30: Stood in the rain just because i felt i should
31: Taught 4 people to dive
32: Won the School Steeplechase
33: Got a new big sister when i'm 14
34: Had a huge rant at my best friend for reasons only we know
35: Dug out our pond cos my parents didn't want to
36: Spent god knows how long on a bus to look at some graves and french fields. I'm not being disrespectful there. I respect the people who died so i don't have to speak German.
37: Told David to move an unimaginable amount of times
38: Been told to run it in rugby after ive kicked the ball
39: Managed a Badminton team to victory with the help of an amazing friend
40: Been told i'm on steroids after i blitzed passed a rugby team on the wing
41: Got so annoyed with a meccano set that i threw it across the room.
42: Mastered the art of having silent convos with my best mate
43: Shot a few Magpies
44: Walked into a lamp post in the middle of town
45: Jumped into a Scottish Loch................and regretted it. Damn cold
46: Stopped my best mate and my Dad having a big argument
47: Loved every second of Class Civ
48: Become Friends with some pretty incredible people since last summer
49: Been called cool when thats probably one of the only things i think i'm not
50: Been incredibly happy over the past like 4 hours whilst thinking of the 49 other things in this flippin blog. Helped of course by two of the most important people in my life.
Thankyou
Friday, 23 January 2009
Two big questions for you
Do you see me as the genuine happy article or as somebody wearing a mask at school??
Do you think i'm a happy person??
Do you think i'm a happy person??
Realisation
Realisation is one of the stranges experiences ever.
It suddenly dawned on me tonight that all this emotional rubbish about friends missing me if i died or left isn't at all the stupid idea which i thought it once was.
I would be devistated if one of my friends died, close or not, it would be terrible and the thought is pretty worrying to me aswell. If however one of my friends left i would be sad into the realms of annoyance. Ask me why and i would say its one of the few lives i have and it leaving just means i am closer to loosing my whole life. (my little idea don't ask why it's that)
I know i would be annoyed because somebody who was probably going to become one of my closest friends left.
She said to me 'I havn't known you for long Greg but i really want to, so don't go anywhere anytime soon'
I said to that 'I won't if you don't'
She said 'I promise i won't go anywhere'
She was on a plane to LA 8 days later.
I'm never going to ask somebody to stick around because i know they won't. I'm also never going to promise anything because i know that i can't keep that promise.
I believe that i have wandered somewhat from the topic at the top but oh well
The point is that i would be pretty upset if one of my friends left my life. So please don't.
Enough with the emotional gobbledegoop.
Fact: you are 450% more likely to get obese if you don't eat breakfast.
SOOOO Little Miss Wallet, i'd start eating breakfast if i were you. I know someone who likes you just the way you are.
It suddenly dawned on me tonight that all this emotional rubbish about friends missing me if i died or left isn't at all the stupid idea which i thought it once was.
I would be devistated if one of my friends died, close or not, it would be terrible and the thought is pretty worrying to me aswell. If however one of my friends left i would be sad into the realms of annoyance. Ask me why and i would say its one of the few lives i have and it leaving just means i am closer to loosing my whole life. (my little idea don't ask why it's that)
I know i would be annoyed because somebody who was probably going to become one of my closest friends left.
She said to me 'I havn't known you for long Greg but i really want to, so don't go anywhere anytime soon'
I said to that 'I won't if you don't'
She said 'I promise i won't go anywhere'
She was on a plane to LA 8 days later.
I'm never going to ask somebody to stick around because i know they won't. I'm also never going to promise anything because i know that i can't keep that promise.
I believe that i have wandered somewhat from the topic at the top but oh well
The point is that i would be pretty upset if one of my friends left my life. So please don't.
Enough with the emotional gobbledegoop.
Fact: you are 450% more likely to get obese if you don't eat breakfast.
SOOOO Little Miss Wallet, i'd start eating breakfast if i were you. I know someone who likes you just the way you are.
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Addicted
Right
What is the hullabalooo about Call of Duty 4 and 5.
I played COD4 at master Ramsdens house and i think he was appalled by my lack of skill on the battlefield. I was pretty damn bad.
It wasn't the most amzing game ever made but i can't really comment cos i don't have any of the latest consoles and i don't do COD4 or Gears of War 8 or Halo 5 or Guitar Hero. I think you need to get a life outside your bedroom and find out what the outdoors is all about. One example being Tindall whos life revolves around that damn game and he actually took a day off school to play on COD5 the day it came out. How sad. He's going to die alone.
The question is for all you COD4 addicts out there............. Do you want to die alone???
Well that was pretty random.
Sorry for wasting your precious time.
On a happier note
We won the Badminton, only dropping one game where me and Itzy Bitzy Fitzy were pissin about. We lost 21-20. Keep ure lift in next time Fitzy.
I'm exceedingly happy today for many reasons unknown to you and i hope you all are aswell.
Nighty Night
What is the hullabalooo about Call of Duty 4 and 5.
I played COD4 at master Ramsdens house and i think he was appalled by my lack of skill on the battlefield. I was pretty damn bad.
It wasn't the most amzing game ever made but i can't really comment cos i don't have any of the latest consoles and i don't do COD4 or Gears of War 8 or Halo 5 or Guitar Hero. I think you need to get a life outside your bedroom and find out what the outdoors is all about. One example being Tindall whos life revolves around that damn game and he actually took a day off school to play on COD5 the day it came out. How sad. He's going to die alone.
The question is for all you COD4 addicts out there............. Do you want to die alone???
Well that was pretty random.
Sorry for wasting your precious time.
On a happier note
We won the Badminton, only dropping one game where me and Itzy Bitzy Fitzy were pissin about. We lost 21-20. Keep ure lift in next time Fitzy.
I'm exceedingly happy today for many reasons unknown to you and i hope you all are aswell.
Nighty Night
Sunday, 18 January 2009
In the silence
In the night my thoughts went as such..............
Ne-yo's album is pretty good
ok maybe not than song
wtf is this that ive just nocked over in the darkness
oh my lamp
wat the hell is a cascada album doin in my room
i'll listen to this instead
some of her old stuff was pretty good
ok really bad headache from music
damn it's soo quiet
stomachs playing up
ok this is flippin painful now
Ok this is sssooooo not good
i'm gonna throw up
ok i threw up
wat time is it
i might as well not sleep
only 1 and a half hours to go till morning
why can't those bloody birds shuttup
everyone else in the country is asleep
why can't you be normal Greg
wat are people doing 2moz
i can't believe he didn't tell me that i have a county match until the day before
we best win 2moz
ok well 2day
who do suffolk have
Tommy Banham
and sum little england player
Darren can kick him
is darren even playing?
wonder wether parent heard me being ill
my stomach still hurts
will i throw up again
yes
Stupid retard
ok i really shouldn't have hit myself
i really should get some sleep now
its quiet enough to get to sleep
apart from those bloody birds
why pick me to annoy
my life sucks right now
sooooo damn tired
ok i don't care wat happens
i'm going to sleep........
........morning came and i was late for the county match because i still felt dodgey. Only ate one thing all day which is stupid cos i need fuel to work, and alot to work well. Won all of my games in my county match. Felt really ill afterwords though. 'take it for the team' somebody once said to me. It was drink back then though, not alot of stomach pain. Beat Suffolk 14-6 in games. Cos we're amazing.
Not looking forward to school 2moz
See you there........
Ne-yo's album is pretty good
ok maybe not than song
wtf is this that ive just nocked over in the darkness
oh my lamp
wat the hell is a cascada album doin in my room
i'll listen to this instead
some of her old stuff was pretty good
ok really bad headache from music
damn it's soo quiet
stomachs playing up
ok this is flippin painful now
Ok this is sssooooo not good
i'm gonna throw up
ok i threw up
wat time is it
i might as well not sleep
only 1 and a half hours to go till morning
why can't those bloody birds shuttup
everyone else in the country is asleep
why can't you be normal Greg
wat are people doing 2moz
i can't believe he didn't tell me that i have a county match until the day before
we best win 2moz
ok well 2day
who do suffolk have
Tommy Banham
and sum little england player
Darren can kick him
is darren even playing?
wonder wether parent heard me being ill
my stomach still hurts
will i throw up again
yes
Stupid retard
ok i really shouldn't have hit myself
i really should get some sleep now
its quiet enough to get to sleep
apart from those bloody birds
why pick me to annoy
my life sucks right now
sooooo damn tired
ok i don't care wat happens
i'm going to sleep........
........morning came and i was late for the county match because i still felt dodgey. Only ate one thing all day which is stupid cos i need fuel to work, and alot to work well. Won all of my games in my county match. Felt really ill afterwords though. 'take it for the team' somebody once said to me. It was drink back then though, not alot of stomach pain. Beat Suffolk 14-6 in games. Cos we're amazing.
Not looking forward to school 2moz
See you there........
Saturday, 17 January 2009
Quiet
I'm just sitting here on a normal saturday evening. It's very late and ive just realised whilst my mind is wandering around in its peaceful mode that it is sooo quiet. The hum that my computer makes was the only noise i could hear until i started typing. It's really peaceful around now and my mind just flickers through thoughts and memories. Thinking about friends and family. Planning the day 2moz. Remembering things that happend many moons ago.
Music has the same effect on me. I don't listen to it, i just think. Lying in bed with headphones on or earpieces in listening to music is when i solve the problems of my life. It's also when i show my emotions like sadness or anger but i don't act on them. That is why you never see me angry or down hearted, it's because there is a time to show it, and with my friends is not the right time for me because i don't like people to see me like that. I put on a mask when i wake up and only take it off if i feel really secure. It will probably happen with i'm with my friends at some point because i feel safe with them. btw i don't mean safe as in i'm not gonna get mugged.
My thinking is crazy.
Wats Ne-yo:So you can cry
when will mum and dad shout for me to go to bed
that humm is really peaceful
i think i'll get a drink
my new passport photo is crap
chocolate milk is pretty good
wats Ne-yo:Fade into the background
rihanna isn't that fit
i'll listen to umbrella
isn't too much of a bad song
wat were Dani and Jazz singin outside pizza hut
Jazz is proper cool
That pizza was ok actually
Pooley is good for Jazz
why didn't rob come to town
wonder how the netball went
why does my webcam not work
i'll try to fix it
it's just retarded
will 2009 be a good year
i doubt it for me apart from school
i should do well at school this year
why is Hutty so smart
and Pooley actually
wow he is actually amazing at everything, Jazz has got the coolest guy in the year
wats Ne-yo:Back to what you know
why am i still awake
anyone done a new blog
how many blogs does Ed write
One a day for Hutty, thats stupid
Wat was i thinking bout earlier
i'll write a blog on what i thought bout...........
..............and thats how i got to now.
Ok i'm gonna go listen to sum music and think sum more sooooo.....
Nighty Night
Music has the same effect on me. I don't listen to it, i just think. Lying in bed with headphones on or earpieces in listening to music is when i solve the problems of my life. It's also when i show my emotions like sadness or anger but i don't act on them. That is why you never see me angry or down hearted, it's because there is a time to show it, and with my friends is not the right time for me because i don't like people to see me like that. I put on a mask when i wake up and only take it off if i feel really secure. It will probably happen with i'm with my friends at some point because i feel safe with them. btw i don't mean safe as in i'm not gonna get mugged.
My thinking is crazy.
Wats Ne-yo:So you can cry
when will mum and dad shout for me to go to bed
that humm is really peaceful
i think i'll get a drink
my new passport photo is crap
chocolate milk is pretty good
wats Ne-yo:Fade into the background
rihanna isn't that fit
i'll listen to umbrella
isn't too much of a bad song
wat were Dani and Jazz singin outside pizza hut
Jazz is proper cool
That pizza was ok actually
Pooley is good for Jazz
why didn't rob come to town
wonder how the netball went
why does my webcam not work
i'll try to fix it
it's just retarded
will 2009 be a good year
i doubt it for me apart from school
i should do well at school this year
why is Hutty so smart
and Pooley actually
wow he is actually amazing at everything, Jazz has got the coolest guy in the year
wats Ne-yo:Back to what you know
why am i still awake
anyone done a new blog
how many blogs does Ed write
One a day for Hutty, thats stupid
Wat was i thinking bout earlier
i'll write a blog on what i thought bout...........
..............and thats how i got to now.
Ok i'm gonna go listen to sum music and think sum more sooooo.....
Nighty Night
Friday, 16 January 2009
Life Love and Hapiness
Just a general life one here covering a few aspects of mine.
School.
The most important and worst thing in life. I'm doing alright at school i suppose and i get through without any sanctions, yet. CCF was the worst thing ever cos it was so boring. Quit though so all good. Not failing by alot so i feel good about school. I'm going to try harder though cos it is the first GCSE year and i want good grades.
Friends
What can i say apart from that i have the strangest collection of them but they r the greatest in the universe. I'd like to think nobody hates me, too much. I would hope i never have to try for my friends (unless they needed me to do something for them) but i will always be there.
Love
Nothing to talk about. Nobody has any interest in me. Never have. I won't 'try' (if u do try in love) unless of course there is somebody i do like.
Social
I try to make friends with most people and i have no enemies............urm.........no, no enemies. I'm a miserable git though co i never go out and I'm not pro active. I will try harder in organizing things like going into town just to see everyone at weekends and holidays.
Health
Fit as a butchers dog. I might try to get fitter. Start running again.
Sports
Just sum random sports.
Footy:Rubbish
Badminton:Unstoppable (need to try to keep a roof over my head)
Rugby:OK
Cricket:Rubbish
Basketball:Amazing
Running:Same as basketball
Family
Not Brilliant. They need to try before i do cos i do nothing to upset them except be me. I just suck sooo much in their eyes. I don' care for them any more.
that was proper random so i apologise for it.
till i see sum of u 2moz
and to the rest
laters..........
School.
The most important and worst thing in life. I'm doing alright at school i suppose and i get through without any sanctions, yet. CCF was the worst thing ever cos it was so boring. Quit though so all good. Not failing by alot so i feel good about school. I'm going to try harder though cos it is the first GCSE year and i want good grades.
Friends
What can i say apart from that i have the strangest collection of them but they r the greatest in the universe. I'd like to think nobody hates me, too much. I would hope i never have to try for my friends (unless they needed me to do something for them) but i will always be there.
Love
Nothing to talk about. Nobody has any interest in me. Never have. I won't 'try' (if u do try in love) unless of course there is somebody i do like.
Social
I try to make friends with most people and i have no enemies............urm.........no, no enemies. I'm a miserable git though co i never go out and I'm not pro active. I will try harder in organizing things like going into town just to see everyone at weekends and holidays.
Health
Fit as a butchers dog. I might try to get fitter. Start running again.
Sports
Just sum random sports.
Footy:Rubbish
Badminton:Unstoppable (need to try to keep a roof over my head)
Rugby:OK
Cricket:Rubbish
Basketball:Amazing
Running:Same as basketball
Family
Not Brilliant. They need to try before i do cos i do nothing to upset them except be me. I just suck sooo much in their eyes. I don' care for them any more.
that was proper random so i apologise for it.
till i see sum of u 2moz
and to the rest
laters..........
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
School........is Good
I don't really have anything interesting to say other than yesterday or the day before (how can i have forgotten already) i gained a brand new sister. I will add she is older than me so now i have two older sisters but she is far far far coller than my biological one. 'I shouldn't see things like this'
Other than that there hasn't been much going on apart from boring old school. How dull. Suprisingly i hav found an enjoyment of all of the sciences this year and in fact i enjoy all of the lessons i do this year. Some are going better than others. Class Civ sittin with the dullest person ever, but it is funny. Alot of core subjects wiv Freddie Rob and strangely Lowerson. Maths with same (not Lowerson) Hutty and Mikesh. Geography with T-Payne. Drama with Gingey(i'm laughing on the wrong side of my face). Breaks and Lunch with EVERYBODY!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! God the lockers must be bored of us by now.
Gone are the days of CCF. Lewis makin me do press ups for not caring about the stupid uniform.
Mr Fitton: Greg why aren't you CCFing 2night.
Greg: Because i don't want to.
Mr Fitton: Is this a continuous thing
Greg: Yes
Mr Fitton: Oh............urm........ok then.
Finally I'm FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Never want to be free of my crazy mix of friends though.
Nighty Night
Other than that there hasn't been much going on apart from boring old school. How dull. Suprisingly i hav found an enjoyment of all of the sciences this year and in fact i enjoy all of the lessons i do this year. Some are going better than others. Class Civ sittin with the dullest person ever, but it is funny. Alot of core subjects wiv Freddie Rob and strangely Lowerson. Maths with same (not Lowerson) Hutty and Mikesh. Geography with T-Payne. Drama with Gingey(i'm laughing on the wrong side of my face). Breaks and Lunch with EVERYBODY!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! God the lockers must be bored of us by now.
Gone are the days of CCF. Lewis makin me do press ups for not caring about the stupid uniform.
Mr Fitton: Greg why aren't you CCFing 2night.
Greg: Because i don't want to.
Mr Fitton: Is this a continuous thing
Greg: Yes
Mr Fitton: Oh............urm........ok then.
Finally I'm FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Never want to be free of my crazy mix of friends though.
Nighty Night
Sunday, 11 January 2009
Oh Great.....
Had an U17 county match today against Norfolk.
We drew. 10-10 in games. Which is pretty bad actually.
I play county badminton at U15 and U17. Last year i went to the U17 county championships when i was actually U14. To say that, i think is quite an acheivment. I have worked hard to get to the point i am at and now the county relies on me to help win. I am one of the top rated doubles players in the country and i can hold my own against anyone in the singles. My personal thoughts on this is that its very impressive to be this good at a sport i hate with all of my guts.
I started playing Badminton to impress my father who is county coach. I kept on playing just so that he would approve of me. He still doesn't.
Today i lost my singles to an absolute prick who cheated against me. I won the first set 22-20 (it was actually 21-18) Then i played crap and lost 21-13 and 21-16, which is bollocks. My dad went mental and started going on about effort and how i didn't go to training yesterday. Then i got a threat, a very real and serious threat which he will carry out. When i turn 16 i will be thrown out of home and told to get on with life. Oh Great. Now i'm completely terrified of turning 16. He will do it. I probably won't mind leaving seeing as i hate the man cos he's an absolute.................
I know its really confused and muddled up but i'm a bit distracted within my own thoughts.
I think there is a valid enough reason for this.
We drew. 10-10 in games. Which is pretty bad actually.
I play county badminton at U15 and U17. Last year i went to the U17 county championships when i was actually U14. To say that, i think is quite an acheivment. I have worked hard to get to the point i am at and now the county relies on me to help win. I am one of the top rated doubles players in the country and i can hold my own against anyone in the singles. My personal thoughts on this is that its very impressive to be this good at a sport i hate with all of my guts.
I started playing Badminton to impress my father who is county coach. I kept on playing just so that he would approve of me. He still doesn't.
Today i lost my singles to an absolute prick who cheated against me. I won the first set 22-20 (it was actually 21-18) Then i played crap and lost 21-13 and 21-16, which is bollocks. My dad went mental and started going on about effort and how i didn't go to training yesterday. Then i got a threat, a very real and serious threat which he will carry out. When i turn 16 i will be thrown out of home and told to get on with life. Oh Great. Now i'm completely terrified of turning 16. He will do it. I probably won't mind leaving seeing as i hate the man cos he's an absolute.................
I know its really confused and muddled up but i'm a bit distracted within my own thoughts.
I think there is a valid enough reason for this.
Saturday, 10 January 2009
Trustworthy?
I was reading a friends blog on trust and i didn't know wether i am trustworthy or not.
I would hope that if anybody wanted to talk to me about anything they would just go ahead and say it, rather than bottling it up and if anybody needed somebody to talk to, they would look in my direction but it actually struck me that they don't. My 'best firend' only trusts me to a minor degree but no more than he would anybody else he knows. This concerned me. If somebody is not able to confide in you, are you able to confide in them?
I do not trust people with the things that concern me the most. I probably should but i just don't. I have realised that i would not talk to anybody even if i was super desperate. I would keep it locked up inside me and hope it would go away. I realise that this is stupid but i am just not a trusting person. I do not even trust my bestest buddies, which is terrible.
I would hope that if anybody wanted to talk to me about anything they would just go ahead and say it, rather than bottling it up and if anybody needed somebody to talk to, they would look in my direction but it actually struck me that they don't. My 'best firend' only trusts me to a minor degree but no more than he would anybody else he knows. This concerned me. If somebody is not able to confide in you, are you able to confide in them?
I do not trust people with the things that concern me the most. I probably should but i just don't. I have realised that i would not talk to anybody even if i was super desperate. I would keep it locked up inside me and hope it would go away. I realise that this is stupid but i am just not a trusting person. I do not even trust my bestest buddies, which is terrible.
Friday, 9 January 2009
Bestest Buddies
I thougt i might start with an intro to who i think i am but i han an epiphany
I am all the people who i think like me.
Below are the people whom i love and i would willingly put my head on the line for them.
Anything they need, i will get for them.
Anything they want to confide in me i will keep secret.
Anything, Anytime, Anywhere
David: Wat can i say about him. He's the most boring person u will ever meet and he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed but he's great. Sometimes i could.......argh........kill him, but at others (mainly when we're having silent look convos) he is so funny i can't stop laughing. Ive been at BMS with him for 7 years and to start off with.......well...... he bulied me. It was only really from year 5 or 6 that i really started becoming his friend. I remember amazing times like walking round a church laughing my head of with him (how disrespectfull) because of one word. He had the emotional range of a teespoon until year 9 and from then on sumthing changed. He suprised me soooo much. He has motivated himself to become a really good Rugby player which i have always wanted to be and now he does weights and stuff to get fit. He's Brilliant and i could ask for no better good friend.
Freddie: I have been good friends with him sonce year 3 and he just gets better and better. He's pretty damn good at football and he's soo funny sometimes its unbelievable. He is the perfect size to lean on and is also far smarter than me. He once wrote on a top trumps card about friends that he looks up to me and trusts me. How amazing is that. That is basically the best thing to have said about u ever. He is kind and i would trust him with anything. He's great.
Hannah: Summer 2008 was probably the first time she'd ever talked to me. It was only cos there was the strangest mix of people EVER on that trip and i was one of the normal ones(cough cough). She's super cool and also probably the stupidest person ive ever met. (To prove how little i know of her i only found this out recently) she used to not eat. She thought she was fat. She is one of the prettiest girls ive ever met in my life and she thought she was fat. How, god only knows. I luv her to pieces now cos she is hilarious. She is so easy to take the mick out of but then she just calls me gay and its even. She is also really impressive cos she has taken so much crap from people like Skings Howli and peeps like that and just shrugged it of and continued being her. She will also be one of the most sanctioned people i'll ever meet if she continues at this rate. And don't ask me if ive got morals cos thats her decision.
Rob: Funny as hell sometimes. Biology in year 10 is sooo much better cos i sit next to him and we just laugh our way through it. Far smarter than myself at most subjects but absolutely diabolical at acountancy maths. How hard can it be. Mainly became friends through Badminton and hav stayed that way ever since which i am very happy about cos he does make my day better. Between each period there is the locker area chat. A little bit of peace between the madness of school.
Matt: I met him first in year 1 or something and he lives literally across the road. Joined BMS in year 9 and fitted in perfectly cos he is just a nice kid. He makes me laugh with his odd sense of humour but he is a bit racist sumtimes.(tut tut) Got to know him better at badminton and i went to all stars first btw and then quit. He plays County U17 wiv me and he is pretty damn good at singles. I can Kick his ass at doubles though. He's a really good footballer as well and he's a good fly half. Needs sum balls though. Taken loads of shit bout being gay and i warn u now i will stick up for him cos he is my friend.
Dani: Only really started talking to Dani towards the end of year nine and she is one hell of an interesting person. She is as shy as anything and apolagises sooooooooooooo much on msn. She wears some of the coolest things i think ive ever seen and she is super cool. If she wants to talk she has some fantastic views and ideas and everything comes from the real her. Contrary to alot of peoples beliefs i do not fancy her. Too good for me. If u havn't seen her blog i read it from start to finish and it gives u a clear idea of what kind of person she is. An amzingly complicated one but one u really want her as ure friend.
Ellen: Started talking to her same time as Hannah. She's funny because she takes so much shit about her hair (ginge) and she calls everyone a female dog and tells them to f off and then 2 seconds later she hugs them. Wat The Hell. Strange to the max but funny and good at drama. I also hate her for the Jeeves situation which i had to handle seeing as he would only react non-badly to me. (i thought it went quite well) She's cool cos she tries to help even if she can't. She helped a good friend in matters with another good friend recently and ? appretiates her help and so do i cos ? being happy made me happy.
Jazz: I regret something. I actually hate myself for it. In like year 5 and 6 Jazz's first 2 years at BMS i took the piss out of her because of her glasses i think it was.(I know it sounds stupid but it was proper bad at the start of her BMS life) I wish i could go back and change that so badly. I have put her in the bestest friend thingy cos she is amazing. I hav only really talked talked to her and got her msn in the past few days and she is really interesting. She is this averagely smart, attractive girl who has this incredible love of photography and she is just one of those people u r so glad u hav got to know. I havn't really got to know her yet but i really want to. She has overcome some huge barriers like the 'Jazzman' thing and the stupid class fool thing. She is passionate about her photography and actually has a plan of what she wants to become. She's also quite a good sportswoman with her hockey and she runs well aswell. I think she is super cool.
Payno: Well what can i say...............................Prick. Alot of the time i could really kill this boy but i have to admit he makes me laugh so much with some of his stuff. He invents these stupid things like me and Dani and Matt and Alex and sometimes he just goes too far. Ive spoken to him on a few occasions telling him to lay of some of the above peeps but he can't help himself. I don't do dropping friends unless they betray my trust so i havn't given up on him. His main feature is his undieyng wit and thats about it. I dunno why but i like him. He just is somebody to like, much to the disapointment of Hannah who hates his guts. Alot do.
Todd: OH MY GOD. He is one of the most amazing people on the planet. I'm going to leave it there.
Hutty: Now u know what, ireally didn't like this kid for like the first year of him being at BMS. Super smart stuckup imbecile who tries to act cool but isn't. I'm being honest here.
Now though i do like him. He's funny and sometimes helps me with the odd bit of maths. He is suprisinly caring. Holds good partys too. Thankyou for inviting me mate.
I have probably forgotten one or two friends but i'm an idiot so forgive me...
i'll complete this when i'm not asleep........
I am all the people who i think like me.
Below are the people whom i love and i would willingly put my head on the line for them.
Anything they need, i will get for them.
Anything they want to confide in me i will keep secret.
Anything, Anytime, Anywhere
David: Wat can i say about him. He's the most boring person u will ever meet and he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed but he's great. Sometimes i could.......argh........kill him, but at others (mainly when we're having silent look convos) he is so funny i can't stop laughing. Ive been at BMS with him for 7 years and to start off with.......well...... he bulied me. It was only really from year 5 or 6 that i really started becoming his friend. I remember amazing times like walking round a church laughing my head of with him (how disrespectfull) because of one word. He had the emotional range of a teespoon until year 9 and from then on sumthing changed. He suprised me soooo much. He has motivated himself to become a really good Rugby player which i have always wanted to be and now he does weights and stuff to get fit. He's Brilliant and i could ask for no better good friend.
Freddie: I have been good friends with him sonce year 3 and he just gets better and better. He's pretty damn good at football and he's soo funny sometimes its unbelievable. He is the perfect size to lean on and is also far smarter than me. He once wrote on a top trumps card about friends that he looks up to me and trusts me. How amazing is that. That is basically the best thing to have said about u ever. He is kind and i would trust him with anything. He's great.
Hannah: Summer 2008 was probably the first time she'd ever talked to me. It was only cos there was the strangest mix of people EVER on that trip and i was one of the normal ones(cough cough). She's super cool and also probably the stupidest person ive ever met. (To prove how little i know of her i only found this out recently) she used to not eat. She thought she was fat. She is one of the prettiest girls ive ever met in my life and she thought she was fat. How, god only knows. I luv her to pieces now cos she is hilarious. She is so easy to take the mick out of but then she just calls me gay and its even. She is also really impressive cos she has taken so much crap from people like Skings Howli and peeps like that and just shrugged it of and continued being her. She will also be one of the most sanctioned people i'll ever meet if she continues at this rate. And don't ask me if ive got morals cos thats her decision.
Rob: Funny as hell sometimes. Biology in year 10 is sooo much better cos i sit next to him and we just laugh our way through it. Far smarter than myself at most subjects but absolutely diabolical at acountancy maths. How hard can it be. Mainly became friends through Badminton and hav stayed that way ever since which i am very happy about cos he does make my day better. Between each period there is the locker area chat. A little bit of peace between the madness of school.
Matt: I met him first in year 1 or something and he lives literally across the road. Joined BMS in year 9 and fitted in perfectly cos he is just a nice kid. He makes me laugh with his odd sense of humour but he is a bit racist sumtimes.(tut tut) Got to know him better at badminton and i went to all stars first btw and then quit. He plays County U17 wiv me and he is pretty damn good at singles. I can Kick his ass at doubles though. He's a really good footballer as well and he's a good fly half. Needs sum balls though. Taken loads of shit bout being gay and i warn u now i will stick up for him cos he is my friend.
Dani: Only really started talking to Dani towards the end of year nine and she is one hell of an interesting person. She is as shy as anything and apolagises sooooooooooooo much on msn. She wears some of the coolest things i think ive ever seen and she is super cool. If she wants to talk she has some fantastic views and ideas and everything comes from the real her. Contrary to alot of peoples beliefs i do not fancy her. Too good for me. If u havn't seen her blog i read it from start to finish and it gives u a clear idea of what kind of person she is. An amzingly complicated one but one u really want her as ure friend.
Ellen: Started talking to her same time as Hannah. She's funny because she takes so much shit about her hair (ginge) and she calls everyone a female dog and tells them to f off and then 2 seconds later she hugs them. Wat The Hell. Strange to the max but funny and good at drama. I also hate her for the Jeeves situation which i had to handle seeing as he would only react non-badly to me. (i thought it went quite well) She's cool cos she tries to help even if she can't. She helped a good friend in matters with another good friend recently and ? appretiates her help and so do i cos ? being happy made me happy.
Jazz: I regret something. I actually hate myself for it. In like year 5 and 6 Jazz's first 2 years at BMS i took the piss out of her because of her glasses i think it was.(I know it sounds stupid but it was proper bad at the start of her BMS life) I wish i could go back and change that so badly. I have put her in the bestest friend thingy cos she is amazing. I hav only really talked talked to her and got her msn in the past few days and she is really interesting. She is this averagely smart, attractive girl who has this incredible love of photography and she is just one of those people u r so glad u hav got to know. I havn't really got to know her yet but i really want to. She has overcome some huge barriers like the 'Jazzman' thing and the stupid class fool thing. She is passionate about her photography and actually has a plan of what she wants to become. She's also quite a good sportswoman with her hockey and she runs well aswell. I think she is super cool.
Payno: Well what can i say...............................Prick. Alot of the time i could really kill this boy but i have to admit he makes me laugh so much with some of his stuff. He invents these stupid things like me and Dani and Matt and Alex and sometimes he just goes too far. Ive spoken to him on a few occasions telling him to lay of some of the above peeps but he can't help himself. I don't do dropping friends unless they betray my trust so i havn't given up on him. His main feature is his undieyng wit and thats about it. I dunno why but i like him. He just is somebody to like, much to the disapointment of Hannah who hates his guts. Alot do.
Todd: OH MY GOD. He is one of the most amazing people on the planet. I'm going to leave it there.
Hutty: Now u know what, ireally didn't like this kid for like the first year of him being at BMS. Super smart stuckup imbecile who tries to act cool but isn't. I'm being honest here.
Now though i do like him. He's funny and sometimes helps me with the odd bit of maths. He is suprisinly caring. Holds good partys too. Thankyou for inviting me mate.
I have probably forgotten one or two friends but i'm an idiot so forgive me...
i'll complete this when i'm not asleep........
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